26.06.2008
 Pastor Bose Adelaja: Withdrawn spirit – contrite heart
The reason for a contrite heart
Marriage is liken to a service to Christ. In our Christian life sometimes we do not understand Christ, but why are we not angry with Him, where else can we go? To the devil? It will worsen the situation. According to our way of thinking it is much easier to separate with somebody but little things in the family can spark up a big fire. Imagine how our heavenly Father shakes His head: “Oh, my children…” It is imperative to know that our destiny lays on the deep understanding of a successful marriage.
The Bible confirms the same truths: “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4). When a person’s spirit is crushed, he becomes depressed and loses interest to anything – he is dying, without knowing how to move forward. Engagements, weddings – all these become far off and unnecessary… In families, a withdrawn spirit is manifested when we ignore the interests of our close ones and our children; when there is little or no communications and when we are self centered. This can be felt instantly, and the spirit can be withdrawn very quickly because of offences.
We could have arguments or misunderstanding among ourselves at home, at work or in the church, but we are not made to disrespect each other. These types of relationships are not natural and are only working against us. They are destructive. Such happens when we don’t understand the person we are dealing with despite all our efforts to make changes. In life it is necessary to have a balance in everything we do: A person should not only give but has to receive as well from others, otherwise one sided sacrifice can become a burden. A person can withdraw from his/her inner fear of betrayal (no one enjoys been betrayed), egoism, that his or her secret should not be made known. Fear, fights and anger are all against us.
That is why our hearts, first and foremost should be open to others: We are responsible for each other.
Once I also had a problem in my family. Even though I did not understand what went wrong with me. I was not satisfied with my family life. Many people were coming to me, admiring my husband, telling me that he is a blessed and anointed man. I was thanking them. They were telling me lots of positive qualities in my husband which I could not notice in him, because I had my own reasons for that.
My mind was focused on one thing: My husband was not giving me any help at home; I could not see any beauty or glory in him. I was reminding myself how we meet, and I was convinced that as long as it was God’s will for us to be married, everything has to be fine…
But he was telling everyone that he has a wonderful family, how much he is happy and how wonderful his life was. Yes, he was living well, but not me! Because of the love that I have for God, I began to think about this situation. It was easy to understand, that I was the one who had problem inside me.
Only later I came to understand the sense of life, when I recognized clearly, that the reason for my complains was my offence. My husband and I are two different people. His laughter are not fun to me and his hobbies are not mine. We are extremely different – for him, I seem very calm and quiet. But for me he is too loud. My problem appeared because I did not like what he likes. When I was asking him questions concerning the above issue, he began to laugh.
After certain preaching I corrected him by asking him not to give too much information about himself. He argued and said that of whom else can he talk about? And said that he is the clear example for each topic. He is my husband, I wanted always to control him, but he did not need this. The church was always growing and everything else was in order. My advice to him was of no use. I was suffering from my weakness; I was feeling more and more withdrawn from him. I began to call upon God concerning my problem.
After some open heart conversations with my husband I came to understand that the problem was actually in my misunderstanding him. In general his way of life was contrary to the way I was brought up. I began to interfere in his actions with care. I began to change myself from the inside. Now I like when he is laughing, how he behaves. It is only after this that happiness and full satisfaction came into our family. My husband is the same but I have changed a lot.
A lot of people are suffering from this sickness. Offences burns ones inner energy and power. When you are in a good mood, you can deal with so many things, everything is successful and fast. But when there is a constant dissatisfaction in a person’s inner mind, he becomes tired and full of anger. Whatever a man sows, so shall he reap. Inner problems prevent a person to be open, it makes a person to deceive his or herself, that he or she is able to overcome the situation and manage his or her life better. That is when the thoughts of divorce come in.
But your husbands or wives are not bad people - listen to your heart. Each one has to set a task to finding the reason for having a withdrawn spirit, and you will surely make right decisions.
If the foundation is destroyed, it is important to find out the root of the problem, which is more deeply imbedded and will always try to destroy the fundament of a family relationship despite the fact that you are trying to rebuild it again. Do not look for the external causes of the problem when it is very clear that one of the couples is not performing his or her duties. For example, when a hungry husband prepares dinner for himself, there is no need for clarification: the wife did not cook or the husband did not bring money home. I am talking about a withdrawn spirit, it is necessary to always remember and to be alert, in order not to have a withdrawn spirit in your family. Try to be cheerful and happy in all situations.
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| Comment |
| Lily |
| Pastor Bose I thank God for a women like you. You are a wonderful women of God and very wise and all of us can learn something good for our marriage |
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